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Photographer, Shelly Boyd

Monday, June 24, 2013

Focus on the Family: Fight Right , Marriage Seminar in Kelowna, BC

Focus on the Family Presents:
Fight Right with Dr's. Les and Leslie Parrott
Kelowna, BC
June 15, 2013

Well, I have to start off saying that I came across the seminar from the Thrive Magazine that gets mailed to us from Focus On the Family. I instantly was excited and ever sooooooo eager to go.....
My wonderful husband on the other hand (although absolutely loves me) thinks that our marriage is awesome(which I completely agree with) and thinks that a marriage seminar really is not needed.
Although, my hubby also knows that anything to do with learning is worth a look into. So I did! Found out location, date and time. Found out that the two hosting the seminar both are Psychologist's. And are Parents and have been married for 14 years.
Just so happens, that this seminar landed the day before my birthday (what a bargaining chip that God gifted to me). I also found out that the start time was at 7pm. You see our store is open 6 days a week, 9-5, and Kelowna is 1 hour and 45 mins away from our town, that leaves a wee little wiggle room to stop for a coffee too! You see, you have to get all your facts straight before negotiations. LOL
Also, we have three gorgeous children, 8yrs old, 3 yrs old, and 1.5yrs old......hmmmmm who to babysit....we rarely rarely rarely ever go out anywhere....last time was when my mom (adopted) was living with us in November.
So, I phoned up my mom! She said, YES!!!!!!!!!!! so my husband was ever so wonderful to indulge me for my birthday present! The tickets were very affordable as well, $15.00 each ticket! Yeah!
We had all of this figured out by the end of April, for you see I am a planner LOL......then we hit a slow bump in our road for the store, the money really wasn't where it needed to be....our must haves needed our full attention and our wants needed to be put on hold. You see, the gas, and to eat is not the cheapest, and at $1.40 a litre for gas....we were just gonna to not go....
My husband was devastated and really wanted for us to go because he knew how much it meant to me. I held strong and said it wasn't a big deal. Next year we could go. (we both know that I was utterly heartbroken.) We offered to give the tickets away. We prayed and thanked God for the blessing it could be for someone else. We prayed. I prayed to have a thankful heart despite circumstances.
I picked up the phone, and called my mom, to tell her that we had to cancel. And although my voice was light and cheerful she knew something was up.....After explaining our circumstances...God used her to bless us. For she now knew what I needed for my birthday....
I also found a surprise, my big brother (adopted) was flying in from Calgary to visit with us for the weekend....What a blessing God gifted us. For I would be honoured to spend my birthday and Father's day with my wonderful family!
The day before everyone was to arrive, I had a midwife appointment.....I had lost one pound(I have only gained 2lbs in 15weeks), and my blood pressure was phenomenal(which also is such a blessing) then came our test.....Could not detect our precious baby's heart beat...although our midwife was optimistic she was worried so she scheduled us for a rush appointment the following Thursday. I also had to be scheduled for a OBGYN appointment (a must have after having bp issues in the past, I must be deemed fit for midwifery care by a specialist) :(.......
God was in this too. Sean and I prayed. At first, I was sooo worried. Then I prayed, I gave it to the God that holds my every best interest at heart and for His Will to be done. I decided right there that no matter what may happen God's Will to be done, and if it is His Will for our baby to return back to Him then it is meant to be.
This weekend was meant to happen at the exact moment when we needed it the most. My mom came up the next day, that night her and I had awesome quality time and drove to Kelowna to pick up my brother from the airport. Then we Had the seminar the next night and then the next day was my birthday and it was one of the best yet! For you see, my dad and my grandparents came for dinner. God gifted me amazing family around me....he gave me love and strength!
So, lets get back to this seminar.....
First of all, I have to really say that I am very impressed on the location that Focus on the Family chose. It was soooo easy to find and get to. It was right off the highway! That was sooo nice....and great for my hubby!
We were greeted with amazing and smiling faces. A very warm welcome. We were able to get right into the line for the "picture". Focus on the Family set up a photo shoot for all of the couples. Ours is right at the top of this page. I thought it was so very nice, and what a thoughtful was to commemorate our time at the seminar. I don't know about you but we don't have many pictures at all with both of us in the same photo...unless its our family photo...once a year! lol. So I thought this was a very wonderful addition to the seminar.
The seminar had a big screen that was displaying "marriage facts" in a power point for our viewing pleasure while we waited for it to start. Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott are extremely humorous, and warm and very friendly. Sean actually laughed....genuinely laughed at their illustrated stories and analogies on marriage. They were soo fun and animated. We really enjoyed how much fun they were.
Here are my notes.
Fighting or Conflict
  • every conflict (or almost every one) can be traced back to perception
  • Perceived Threat or Perceived Neglect
MEN: Report talking
WOMEN: Rapport
Report:Give a spoken or written account of something that one has observed, heard, done, or investigated.
:An account given of a particular matter, esp. in the form of an official document, after thorough investigation or consideration
Rapport: a relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people.
                    :a close connection marked by community of interests or similarity in nature or character
You can clearly see why we sometimes have conflict....LOL!
Approach to problems:
MEN: want to fix or solve (instantly)
WOMEN: want to explore, talk, feel
Are you a low flexibility, high flexibility, low expressive or a high expressive?
Are you a competitive fighter, collaborative fighter, cautious fighter or a conciliatory fighter?
C ooperation: fight for a win-win
O wnership: own your share of the pie
R espect: steer clear of belittling
E mpathy: step into each other's shoes

**Romans 12:18**

King James Version (KJV)
18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men
  1. Critisim
  2. Defensiveness
  3. Contempt
  4. Stone walling
in situation X, when you do Y, I feel Z
Withholds: are things that you didn't tell your spouse during the week. They can be good or bad.
Sharing Withholds: had to happen with in the last 48 hours
One Positive: spousal response is a simple thank you no more no less
One Negative: spousal response is a simple thank you no more no less
One Positive: spousal response is a simple thank you no more no less
Do not talk about the withholds now for 30mins give yourselves some cooling off time before discussing.
This is all the notes I had. I honestly have to say that although I loved the seminar it was extremely entertaining we both expected more from University Professors and Psychologists. Expected more meat with all of the fun and simplicity.
We were also a little discouraged. Focus on the Family is such an overtly "Christian" Organization, and there was very little about God in this seminar. We prayed prior to the second half of the seminar, and praying for the hearts of the spouses. That was really it. We expected that since it was hosted and put on by Focus on the family that the seminar would be how to work through your fights with God, from a biblical perspective. That was just not how it happen.
We loved it though, and had a wonderful date night. The night was entertaining and fun and light hearted. Hoping the seminar in November is more biblically based!  I would also like to purchase the Parrott's books, because I know that's where the meat and potatoes is! I just have to save up for them!!
Thank you for reading and may it be a blessing to you.

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