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Yes, I am Beautiful!
Yes, I am Hardwarking!
Yes, I am a mother! |
Welcome to my journey to
discovery a most beautiful language. My own. Not only how I am learning the
beautiful language of Nyselxcin but also how I am learning my journey of who I
am. Who I am as a Wife, Mother, Daughter…Who I am in Christ. Who I am in LIFE!
Welcome and lets journey together.
What is in a language? Does the language you speak
dictate your life or how you think? Or wait a minute does it affect how you
perceive the everyday things……?
What a concept. I grew up
with a Caucasian family. A mother and a step father (or mother’s boyfriend )
for half of my childhood. The other half I spent living with a First Nations
Father and a Caucasian (step mother or girlfriend).
I was taught English and
French(although I only went to grade 8 French…it was not my favorite subject at
all!) In grade nine, I moved in with my dad and I decided that I wanted to try
German.
Two years prior I found out
that I in fact was a First Nations child…
Now you have to understand,
why this was such a shocker….I grew up in a suburban neighborhood predominately
Caucasian people. The only children that were the same color as my skin where
either African American, and or of Indian descent (ancestory mainly from
India). So my skin was closest to the African American skin so I adopted the
heritage and felt quite strongly about it! Plus, at the age of twelve the cable
network had a ton of really cool shows that were all African American teens or
young adults. So for me that worked. J
I never once thought to ask
my dad, when I saw him or even ask my mother what or who I was. I chose to
assume an identity cause it is what I liked.
I studied German for three
years. I loved this language so much and I caught on so well that my thoughts
were in German….even the bad words came out predominately German. LOL
Although for most of my life,
I was confused what or who I was. During High school I moved to a town that had
a large population of First Nations peoples. It was here that I learned of a
difference in culture and dance and music. Although I never ever knew that the
people in which I came from had there very own language.
I struggled to fit in. For
you see, I am not a status First Nation Person. I am a NON Status….In my
experiences in my life I find sometimes this is the worst part of learning who
I am… because sometimes it feels like I am not fully….real……
While growing up sometimes
because I didn’t have that Card….you know the white card that has your picture
on it. The one that proudly states the family name, proudly displaying the Band
to which you belong…….When you don’t have this card you are a limbo person….The
Caucasian people see you as different…and the First Nations people as not full
blood, not completely not the same…NOT REAL!
Now don’t get me wrong not
all Caucasians feel this way and not all First Nations feel this way, this is
only from my personal experiences.
Also, please do not miss
understand me. I know that my identity
does not come in a perfect little white card or some silly piece of paper. And
to be perfectly honest I am very content with my life and that God is what
defines me. And God is the one leading through my blessed life.
With that said, its like
there’s a piece of me that is a little not there..it is missing in some way……
I moved to the Valley in
which my people are from. I moved back to the Valley in which not long prior my
dad was the Chief of our Band. I moved back in a flurry of very stressful and
amazing events. I moved back….to find that the people in which I wondered about
my entire life. The people in which participated in all of these events and
things that I had read about in books, seen a very small portion in real life.
My husband I moved here.
Now first of all, I am a born
again Christian with a very conservative lifestyle now. I and our family have
different ways we do things. (which will come in another post). By all
standards, most think we are weird and odd. For most things people tend to
think we go overboard for Christ. I don’t mind. I say let them think it…most
days…some days I want people to just understand.
Second of all, not a lot of
people knew that I existed. No one’s fault just never came up. So for the first
year of living in this beautiful Valley it was hard for me to find out that
most people here (relatives and long-term friends of family) had no idea that I
was who I was….
Thirdly, I am in an
inter-racial marriage. My wonderful, loving, amazing husband…he is as white as
they come. No joke lol! Now you may not think that it should matter…you know
this day and age. But you would be surprised and how much it does matter.
Now I am not saint, I am not
perfect. Prior to my life now, I used to do a lot of bad stuff. I never had an
easy life. I have never always chosen the right path in which to go. I have
been plagued with all the stuff most others are plagued with. I have always had
not the best health. I struggled severely with depression when I was younger.
With Self Esteem issues. With alcoholism…..the list can go on. I am a born
again Christian and made new my life with hard work, dedication, perseverance
and the Lord guiding me and giving me the strength to do it all.
So you ask what does all that
have to do with language?
Ever felt like your not like
everyone else?
Ever felt like there is something
about you that doesn’t mesh like everyone else?
Ever felt your alone and
don’t belong…like no is like you?
Ever felt like pieces of your
identity are missing and you don’t know what to do?
Your language, how you speak
it, how you think it, how you teach it to your children…..This truly shapes who
you are. Did you know that the language in which you speak can dictate your
day…
Negative self talk words and
to others
Negative tones spoken to
children, spouses and family
Negative highlights in your
facial expression when a word comes out of your mouth
Positive word self talk and
to others
Positive tones spoken to
children, spouses and family
Positive highlights in your
facial expression when a word comes out of your mouth
A single words said a hundred
different ways can trigger a memory, an emotion and a reaction in your mind,
body and soul like you would never ever realize until you test out the theory.
Think about it….English is
taught from infancy and beyond….
With songs and stories.
With cartoons and motions.
With emotions, facial
expressions.
Through history and
tradition.
Each language comes with a
built in life of culture and ideals.
If you are surrounding
yourself with negative usage of words what do you think your face will show.
How do you think your behavior will be different?
Do you think it affects much?
I do….
Did you know that how you say
your words also can filter down to how you walk and how your facial expressions
are…..Go to a high school anyday, listen to the teenagers speak and watch how
each group (distinguished first by how they talk) stands, how their faces
change with each word, their body languages, and even how they right comes
right from the fundamentals of speech.
You will notice that when I
write. I talk fast, I think fast and I like it when all things mold together
the same. I jump sometimes in my thoughts, which filters down to how I talk and
write.
Speaking of Which pretty sure
this is going on to long…I will stop here. Tomorrow lets really get into the
meat and potatoes of me and this language and how it is coming for me…
Thank you for reading, I pray
that it made sense and gave you some insight to me.
May you be blessed and
equally so may you be a blessing to
others!
Stacey Homemaker~
