Whats in a Language….
Its not how we speak!
Sometimes its in the feeling behind the words. Ever talk to an Elder and
listened to their stories….the way their eyes light up, or their voices get
louder or softer to really emphasize their point. The way the hand gestures are? If you have
not had the pleasure, you should try it sometimes. I mean really listen, open
your heart, your mind and your ears.
Watch, what happens is purely a miracle to behold. Treasure that moment
, for all too quick time with our Elders is fleeting and fading….and whom will
be there to share the stories, the wisdom, the knowledge of an entire life
lived to the fullest?
When I was a little girl, I had a Papa, he wore a cowboy hat
faithfully everyday (even when he napped!) He had cowboy boots on and the jeans
with suspenders. He was magnificently tall, he hung the moon and the stars in
my little grandbabies eyes. I sat at his feet while he played his guitar and
harmonica(which was attached to the top of his guitar) and sang. I still
remember the sound of his voice, and the smell of the room and the feel of the
songs. This is how his legacy lives on in me. I learned to play the guitar. I
learned to sing. I knew that what ever I learned I wanted to share with my
children.
Well, this past year has been a whirl wind of learning,
frustrations, hurt feelings and Lord knows….anger!
I was so excited because this year an amazing Elder and a
good friend of mine were teaming up to do a preschool language program.
(Because we homeschool this meant that myself, my 8 yr old, my 3 yr old and 1
yr old would be participating) Also on Mondays and Tuesdays in the Fall was
Language class and guess what my husband attended them with us!
I was sooo excited to start. First, I had to get a Statutory
Declaration signed my my biological mom. You see I was starting all of the
paper work to get my Status. The little white card that tells you what band you
belong to, and that says Hey you are Native! Yuppers here we go!
She refused to sign it, she needed to sign it because my dad
was never placed on my birth certificate. It was an emotionally draining
situation that blew up my a thousand percent each moment. A drama that could
surpass any on television. Albeit, she
has her own personal reasoning, it was hard to walk through and harder because
it left a lot of questions of the paternity and if the man I have know as my
dad (for 28years) was my dad. It was a very hard, emotional situation. God, was
my focus because without my faith in Him and what was to be would be…..I might
have had some other things that happened.
At times, the hurt would spill into an anger that consumed my heart, it
made me want to lash out at her. It made me so tired, drained, it made me feel
like I belonged nowhere. God gently kept telling me that I was I was His
daughter and He had it in His Will.
Now, let me tell you. Although, I knew for better or worse
God had His ways and reasons……this sent me for a hard hit. I felt lost, looking
at my dad, at my family members, the resemblance’s I had once seen so clearly
were hazy. Like it was murky water that I couldn’t quite see the same as the
clear crystal blue they were before. I
was afraid, afraid that a man I grew up with, lived with , fought with,
respected and loved, a man that I so knew was my dad, our tempers, how we talk,
how much we talk! All of these things were in question. I had been living in
our sweet gorgeous valley, for two years! Two years pouring into our language, learning
our culture, meeting cousins, auntys, uncles, friends. Don’t get me wrong, it was not wasted time.
It was cherished moments, and loved moments. But if I was a LSIB what was I?
I also, started having weird memories flooding over me,
dreams that felt soo real. Memories I had long since forgotten and pushed
aside. I had a very hard growing up. There
were good times but a lot of scary, angry hateful, spiteful moments.
These were consuming my sleep.
My husband and I talked about it, prayed about it and
decided to lay to rest. We got a DNA test. Now just so anyone else out there
knows these tests are not cheap. It cost us $700 just for a scrape of the
inside of my cheek and my dads. Yes, I know there is a lot involved with this
process but it cost us a lot of money. It was worth it. To know for sure that
my dad is my dad! It gave me clarity and although it didn’t stop the emotional
rollercoaster I had been riding it did give closure to a question that he had
kept locked away in his heart for all these years as well!
Now for applying to become a First Nations Status Card
holder……ugh and sigh and allot of praying! They tell us, that the DNA is not
good enough! That I must have my birth certificate changed over to have my dad
added. So we think sweet simple I have
my dna test this should be a breeze…think again! Stats Can will only change the
Live Birth Registration to add my dad if my mother signs the documentation.
Which, she refused to sign anything! So we hired a lawyer (just to let you
know, no we are not made of money but we felt that this was an investment in our
family!) so we buckled down and didn’t spend money on anything that we didn’t 100%
need! We had been blessed so that it wasn’t such a harsh burden! The lawyers
says that INAC cannot do that. They cannot legally require a birth certificate,
that a DNA test is admissible as one in the same with my birth
certificate. So, we called to see if we
could go around all of this, turns out we can pay to go to the court house and
see a judge explain situation and prove our case and have him stamp the birth
certificate…..we don’t have money for that. We have three children at that time
and really couldn’t do it. So we researched and talked to the lawyer. For all
legalities the INAC cannot legally refuse the dna test. So we submitted
anyways!
Then the waiting game….
During this waiting, we had the priviledge of learning our
language! I learned from an Elder that sometimes its ok to not have a regular
school type setting. My 3 yr old son would not sit in circle and just wanted to
play. This beautiful woman told me to let him….boy oh boy it took a lot for me
to do that! And you know what she was right….he learned more language from
osmosis than anything! It made my heart sing! My Elder is a beautiful woman, I
enjoyed sitting on the floor and listening to her teach and gleaning and
learning! I learned more than a language, more than a culture I learned a love
for people and a love for my life. I believed God gifted her to me at the right
exact moment.
My dear friend, she is an amazing teacher. She helped me
learn to calm down, to soak it in and to let things happen. She has six
children all under the age of 14. She is a super hero mom. She worked along
side of this beautiful Elder and I tell ya I was gifted an education of
language and an education of motherhood, compassion, love and determination.
This education is far more precious than anything I have ever learned in
school! For you see my dear friend, although I know she is a closet superhero,
she is a normal mom, good days, bad days amazing days! I have been blessed to
get to know her and learn from her. All
at a time where I felt I was a failure in so many ways! God gifted me amazing
women, mothers, grandmothers….friends and He knew that I needed them.
I also was gifted the opportunity to learn how to make
traditional ribbon shirts, moccassins, and yarn bags for berry picking! We had
so much fun! We forged friendships with other moms, and I tell ya nothing
surpasses the laughs, the smiles and the amazing time we all had!
For you see a language is nothing without the people in
which speak it. A people is not really a people without the love, laughter,
faith, confidence, strength of who they are!
I am a born again Christian, I love my faith!
I am a Lower Similikamean Native woman! I love where I came
from!
I will teach my children about God, about Christ and along
side it all I will teach them of their heritage, language, culture! I will
teach them to love others, to serve others, to be kind and to always always
help when you can. No matter who the people are! For God called us to love one
another, not just those you think deserve it! He called us to love one another
and to serve in love! Forever my children will learn from example and from what
we do.
Go listen to your Elders, hear with your heart, visualize
the story. Fall in love!
Another post, will be my status situation for now, learn
your heritage, learn your language! Learn Learn Learn!
Praying that this post encouraged!
Stacey Homemaker~
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